I Hate Provo

Okay, so whenever I talk about how I don't like Provo 1) people make a face that I would expect to see if I had just said I would like to try eating raw baby and 2) I can never organize my thoughts and feelings coherently. So from now on I think I will direct them to my blog so I don't have to waste my breath. This may be a continually updated post.

I guess I should start with the reason I'm at BYU. It's cheap. Cheaper than Pitt or Penn State or any other in-state school worth going to. Considerably cheaper than most private institutions I'd be the least bit interested in. And that's really about it. I will admit that there are a few other unexpected positives about this place. I doubt I would have gone on my mission if I had gone anywhere else, although I owe all of that to the opportunity it presented me to meet Biz and not in the least bit to this institution. I also appreciate the fact that I don't have to worry about my room mates doing drugs or having sex around me. But those are about all I can think of for positives.

As far as cons, the only question is where to start. First of all, the overwhelming idea that BYU is the only place on earth that may be good for anyone to go to. I honestly feel like Danny Kim is the only person I can have an intelligent, intellectual discussion with because whenever I talk about how I don't like it here I immediately feel like I'm being attacked. BYU isn't the only good school. There are a lot of good schools. There are a lot of schools that are better than BYU, especially for my profession. I had a friend go to the counseling center and talk about how he hates it here, how he feels like he doesn't fit in, that he's not growing as an individual and is being cheated out of a college experience. At the end of his visit he asked the counselor if they get a lot of visits like this. He says they almost never do. Well hell, if we're the only ones that don't think BYU is Zion, maybe we really should leave!

To be simple and vain, I would say that the architecture is terrible. With the exception of the Maeser building and to a lesser degree the JFSB, the buildings are all of a modernist design used with tacky, ugly materials from the mid-20th century. Ew, ew, ew. It is amazingly apparent that there is no architecture department here. And the sidewalks are highly reflective, which in such a sunny environment is bad for your eyes. The Maeser building is of a nice classical design, and the JFSB is a slightly more bearable take on modernism with its use of glass and large arcs and less of an emphasis on poo-colored bricks. And I'll admit a bit of a fondness to the SWKT, but only because if its height. Every day I walk past the Widstoe building and want to gouge my eyes out with a pool cue.

One of my biggest problems is hedges about the law. Allow me to explain. Lets say a commandment is like a cliff. You keep the commandment, you stay on the cliff. You break the commandment, you fall over the edge. Now, some of us try to come as close to the edge without falling off. Those people usually slip. So, to keep ourselves from slipping, we build fences, or hedges, about the commandments. The good thing about hedges are they keep us from breaking the commandments. The bad things are that you must build your own hedges - what helps one person may not be the best thing for another; and the hedges are not the law, but some have the habit of mistaking them as such. BYU rampantly puts up hedges and expects people to go along with them. Whats worse is that those who choose to mistake them for the law and persecute those who choose different hedges. I can't get a Dr. Pepper at any of the vending machines on campus because they don't sell caffeine-free 20 oz. bottles. If you actually read the word of wisdom, it has nothing to do with caffeine, and the official church doctrine about it is not that it is outlawed, but to use good judgement. So I, who don't care about caffeine because it's 5 AM right now, I'm drinking a Dr. Pepper, and will be perfectly able to go to bed when this is done, do not have the opportunity to get my favorite beverage on campus because of someone else's hedge. This is also where I have a lot of problems with the honor code. I can't have girls in my room. What if I want to show them something on my computer? That's innocent enough, isn't it? I mean, the fact that a girl is in my room does not mean that I am going to have sex with her. That's the commandment, right? No sex before marriage. Not no girls in your bedroom. As far as the honor code, I keep the word of wisdom and the law of chastity because I have a testimony of them as true principles of Jesus Christ's gospel, not because they're a rule here and I'll get in trouble. Plus, the honor code doesn't stop a lot of people who don't have testimonies of the said principles. And while we're at it, why in the Hell can't I have a beard? No one has as of yet given me a least bit satisfactory reason.

I don't feel like I can ever have a deep, intellectual conversation with anyone. And I don't know why that is. It makes no sense at a university where the average student got a 30 on their ACT. I feel like the only thing I can talk about is the scriptures, and even those I only talk to the Scotts about (I thank God daily for my room mates). I'm not even going to try and explain this one. It's just a very odd phenomenon.

I didn't come to college to get married. I came to college to learn. I fear that I may be in the minority. And that of course influences how people date and their coed relationships. Holly VanWoerkom and I are good friends. We hang out a lot. She's one of the few people I feel comfortable talking to, and I at least hope she feels comfortable with me. But we're just friends. Apparently though it's illegal to have friends of the opposite sex here that you aren't dating or interested in. It wasn't more than a week or so before Holly and I started hanging out frequently that the rumors started flying about our ward (one of the reasons I'm so intent on leaving it). As another example, I actually tried the Utah, creative date thing one time, and it was the worst date I've ever been on. I just hate the dating dynamic out here. I hang out with large groups, and if I like someone after getting to know them in a group setting, I ask them out. I don't ask someone out so that I can get to know them, that's a waste of time and money. I don't have near as many dates, but they go a lot better. At the rate I'm going I fully expect to graduate without getting married, because I'm meeting very few women I can even stand. I fear that my general dislike for Mormons and the culture that comes with them means that I'll have to baptise someone before I can get married, which of course is very hard to do here. Plus, in all honesty, I think a lot of people really do just get married for sex. A lot of young married couples would disagree, at least two professors I've talked to would agree. Keep it in your pants. Grow up.

There's a sign on the first floor of the Wilk that celebrates BYU's diversity, and I laugh every time I walk by it. Diversity? Where? From the smattering of Asians and Latinos? This place is the most homogeneous I've ever seen, and I feel like certain measures, the honor code especially, just encourage and enforce it. BYU was on the Princeton Review's list of "Alternative Lifestyles Not an Alternative." I have had more than a handful of friends feel alienated for being different. As one who is considered different, I can say I have never felt alienated anywhere except BYU. Face it, most people here at BYU are white, middle class conservatives, and those who aren't are persecuted as such. I cite the Dick Cheney protest of a while back. The few who participated were sequestered to a small area, a limited amount of time, intense scrutiny from the institution and campus security, and weren't even allowed to take their signs home. The Burma protest of this year? That was popular, everyone loved it. They had no such troubles. The status quo is to be maintained at all costs. Heaven forbid someone want to be different. One kid with a mohawk and the next thing you know we're all on the high-speed roller coaster to Hell.

Provo is small and boring. Nothing is open late, and as a night owl and graveyard shift worker, I have very few places to go at night, and eating at Denny's and then cruising Wal-mart in the wee hours of the night gets old fast. There isn't much of a local music scene, which is surprising considering like 90% of Mormon kids play an instrument. I guess having a generally boring life leaves you with little to write songs about. Plus very few of the bigger names come to Provo, the only big venue being the David O. McKay convention center at UVU/UVSC. I was really surprised when my mom said she saw the Doobie Brothers at BYU. When did BYU stop being cool like that? To go see concerts you often have to go up to Salt Lake, and if you're going up there every weekend you might as well live there. I never thought I'd like going to dance clubs, but after going to one in Boise with McCurdy I actually had a lot of fun, although I'll admit most of the fun comes from watching drunk kids who think they're cool make idiots of themselves. They're a great place to people watch.

Marisa brought something to my attention, and that is the terrible drivers in this town. I don't really know who to blame this on because most Provo citizens aren't from Utah, so the Utah driver designation doesn't necessarily fit. Maybe it's just so many young, aggressive drivers. But origins aside, I have never lived in a place with so many bad drivers. Is it really that hard, people? At a stop sign, you stop. When the light turns red, you stop. You don't cut people off. You let people merge. If I drive by and wave my middle finger at you, you're doing something wrong.

Something that has come up since I've written this post: I e-mailed the help desk asking if there was an official BYU forum or something that I could post this on and get responses, because when I typed "BYU forum" in on Google I mostly got sports forums and anti, which I don't want to associate with. I think this is indicative of the lack of open discussion about things at BYU. Why would we want/need to talk about issues at the school? This place is great!

Another update: as many of you know, I'm not wild about the honor code. I sort of felt like if it was an inspired document, if someone had actually prayed about it and received revelation that that was the correct set of principles, then I would be able to swallow it a lot better. Well, turns out, it's not. It was first created by a student committee in the late 1940's, and has since undergone various changes as far as content and institutional involvement. I find it a little ironic that what some call "the Lord's university" settles things by councils the way the apostate churches do.

So that's what I got for now. I honestly want people to critique this. Tell all your friends. I want you to argue with me so I can see what I may be missing, and I want you to tell me if you feel the same way or if I left out any other sucky things about BYU. Thank you for your time.